The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kanhave one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
General Musharaf, Vajpayee, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are sitting in a train. The train goes through a dark tunnel. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything. Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."
Madhuri is thinking: "Musharaf must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and got slapped."
Musharaf is thinking: "Damn it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss Madhuri, she thought it was me and slapped me."
Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again."
CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.
BLACK WOMAN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: Your get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you!
IRISH WOMAN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMAN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
JEWISH WOMAN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
MIDDLE EASTERN WOMAN:
First Date: You fill out the mandatory familyquestionnaire listing all your assets.
Second Date: You go out to the park with her and her whole family comes along.
Third Date: She claims she's a virgin and refuses to have sex with you.
Fourth Date: She makes up for the past ten years of sexual deprivation in one night. You're rushed to a hospital for exhaustion.
LATIN WOMAN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite, have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She is pregnant.
Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.
POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home. She gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant.
She gets lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.
KOREAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is going to happen.
INDIAN WOMAN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
Once it so happened in a flight that, James Bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy. Both were traveling to USA. Telegu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"James Bond: "I am Bond...James Bond."James Bond: "and you?"Telugu Guy: "I am Sai... Venkata Sai...Siva Venkata Sai ... Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai.... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bulusupalli Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai..." Bond faints!!!!
